i don’t know what im doing or why i am doing this but i dont care im trash im sad and i dont fucking know okay? this is everything i’ve ever wanted to say to my parents, in the case of something horrible happens i want them to see this, but not now.

dear my shitty fucking parents and the rest of my family,

how fucking dare you make my problems about you, 

how fucking dare you exclaim i am selfish for crying over my problems

how fucking dare you blame me for never talking to you.

as a parent you should know me,

but you don’t.

when your kid is up at 3 am vomiting her guts out

you should know,

when your kid is up at 7am getting ready for school resisting the urge to pull out that knife under her bed

you should know

when your kid is crying herself to sleep in her own bed, crying to go home,

you should know.

when your kid sees a piece of rope in her room, and she’s resisting the urge to wrap it around her neck,

you should know.

when your kid is up at 5am bleaching out the blood out of her bed sheets

you should know

you should fucking know because you can see it in my eyes, you can see it in my behavior.

you should see it because you know, because you care about me.

you should see it because you are my parents.

you as a parent shouldn’t blame it on your kid.

you as a parent shouldn’t blame it on your kid’s only source of happiness.

you as a parent shouldn’t make yourself the victim.

you as a parent should tell your kid it’s okay, it’s gonna get better, tell your kid you love them everyday, embrace your child’s imperfections.

you as a parent should be a fucking parent.